Tuesday, December 9, 2014

bad news

I just wanted to tell everyone
that there's not going to be much of a Christmas for very many people this year.

It all began last year
when Santa's wife divorced him.
Due to the biases of the local courts nowadays,
the judge ignored Mrs. Claus long reputation as a dithering alcoholic
and awarded her a substantial child support payment,
taking up all of Santa's money for toys and elf-labor.

He had to rent a room from me because he could no longer afford
his quarters at the North Pole.

He is also suffering from diabetes,
probably due to all those plates of cookies and milk.
and the prodigious effort of maintaining the belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly.

What's worse is
that he has major back problems now
from carrying around those bags of toys
and also from climbing up and down all those chimneys.
He is due at the hospital tomorrow for the first of several surgeries.

Sadly, he won't be able to take the sleigh there.
You see, last week,
one of his reindeer was hit and killed by a car,
while another was shot by a hunter.
Blitzen was so upset about it
that he got blitzed and then wrecked the sled trying to escape the cops.

He is so far behind on his rent now that he is looking into
a new career as an actor,
to see what kind of accommodations can be provided
for someone who acts as so crazy that he gives away everything he has ....
maybe three hots and a cot, maybe even morning, noon and nightly pills on the side ...
and slippers and even jackets which have no arms. ....

so, anyway,
have a merry day,

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