Aggression

From time to time there occur feelings or accompanying actions in my character, or my personality, or my soul, if you will, which pompous pedagogues like to label "aggressive."

I was born weak and grew up physically small while I was most often placed into social situations where the people I had to deal with were both physically larger and had more money and influence than I did.  However, like everyone, I experienced situations from time to time where people caused me pain, caused me harm, and I saw no beneficial reason for their actions but only a desire to cause pain or harm.  My natural reaction was to imitate them and mirror their feelings.  This generally resulted in further condemnation, punishment, and pain and harm.

After a great deal of pain and harm, I tended more often to turn my aggressive feelings upon myself, to deliberately injure or harm myself.  In doing so I discovered that this often created pain and suffering on the original perpetrators.  None of this is exactly rocket science although it does seem to be lost on most of the "psychiatric experts" of our day, who prefer a genetic or other chemical explanation to the outrageous suggestion that they themselves may actually be perpetrating more damage than they are alleviating.

After years and years of trial and error, of accumulating a vast array of experience tangential, inverted, reverted, and convoluted, I began to realize that there was never and is not and never will be anything "wrong" with me or my brain or my feelings or the things that I do.  God loves me very, very much and the people who believe otherwise are simply trucked up.

Furthermore, after a long, long time, I began, slowly at first, to understand, more and more thoroughly, that the one thing that all of the people who have tormented me all of my life have in common is that the "need" me.  They need to have me around because they need someone to control, to dominate, to look down upon, and to harass and punish and inflict pain upon.

And that little fact makes everything so easy.  All I ever have to do to get back at them, to release my aggression if you will, to express myself, and to teach them the lesson that they need so badly to learn, is simply to abandon them and go off and have a good time somewhere else.  It really drives them crazy....

...Like its going to do when the United States of trucking America collapses and all of the mothertruckers who have counted on their money to save them are going to realize that it is only so much paper and has no more value than sand.  Maybe they won't starve to death on account of all the sandwiches there, but they sure will suffer.  And I will exercise my greatest sin, and laugh.